TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

Successful love stories do not need psyching-outs. It's only when a love fails that you ask yourself questions.
And again, some loves fail due to misfortunes; ..due to incidents that couldn't be avoided; ..due to fate.
Leave them. They have different stories to tell.
But there are some loves which fail due to separations.
No fate this time. No third angle issues. It's just that the relationship itself failed. And it's then when you want to know more, ...that exactly what went wrong.
In Section 2, I promised to try and give an answer to the question that why our feelings do not get reciprocated when we love somebody so passionately, in many of the cases. Or why somebody lets us know, at the middle of a relationship, that he/she is not interested anymore.
And in the forthcoming section I am going to do exactly that.
To try. To try and categorise.
Categorisations in Love come when you stop using your heart. Don't ask me if it's right to do that. I am going to do exactly that. I told you this is more like a Reseach Paper on Love. Not a poem.
It's time we dissected love with our Brains, so that we don't have to go through the same pain once all over again. More so perhaps because you don't want to repeat your mistakes the second time, ..if Love ever comes to you the second time.
You can't guarantee that it will not. More so in today's world, where people have started to live at The Present.



Section 4. ...on Reciprocation of Love.
...on a search for the 'why's and 'how's.


You think you love. And the truth is you do. Passionately, sincerely... you care. And when you see your love is not getting reciprocated, you start to feel the pain. And you love more. In your mind. In your heart. And you get more pain.
(Will you come out? It's the test of your love. We will look for the 'how's and 'why's of this question later!)

Why does this happen?

Because the strength of your feelings, your carings, ..the strength of your love, .. never quite manages to reach the person. It's misdirected.

Everyone of us in this world is unique in our own way. And we love in our own ways. And very naturally, we want to receive love in the way we want to. And, ..may be it's here, ..where we go wrong.

We not only need to respect the differences that we lovers have, we also need to identify the differences. It's more tough compared to what it looks at the first glance. It's here where understanding comes in.

If we understand each other, inspite of our differences, we connect. We can see and identify when we receive love. Even if that way of love doesn't conform to our own way of loving...

It's then when you do understand, your loving energy gets a direction. And may be, the right one.

Or else, ...this fact is too true that when one does start to receive unconditional love, he/she just can't resist a desire to connect. As the bottomline of this world is: Every heart is lonely. Each wants to live with a heart that understands it and cares for it.

You give love doesn't necessarily imply that your partner receives that love.
You can only manage to bridge the gap, and mitigate the energy loss, by Understanding, ..by Connecting.

But again, what happens if the differences --which never show up first, at the start of a relationship; ..and gradually start to emerge out of nowhere.. -- are too big to live with?

You have three options then.

1. You change your lover.
2. You change yourself.
3. You part ways.

When there's a strong love between two persons, with a minimal understanding of each other, ..both of them change themselves fitting the requirements of their Love. Slowly they change. But surely.

This is called 'adaptation to the other's needs' in Love's language.

And this continues untill you conform to the same things, or at least, stop disapproving the other's habits and ways of living and ways of loving and receiving love.

It's perhaps wrong to force a change in your lover. And you just can't force it if you love strongly. You hope that things are going to work out by their own. And then it may so happen that the person who claims to love you just don't bring in those changes. Or maybe, ..he/she just can't.
Or even it may so happen that you do these things yourself.

..so many things that can happen in Love.

And it's then when you start to think whether you should 'accept' or 'come out'!



Tough question. And the answer varies from person to person.

Many couples 'accept' each others' unchangable and painful differences and move on in life! For the concern they share for each other. For the sake of their Love.

And some are too individualistic to accept these differences. They part ways. Even if it hurts and hurts hell..

It's not that they are wrong. It's just that they are different.

Everybody should be given the liberty to walk his/her own way in life. As far as they don't break the laws or social morals or ethics.
It's the life of the two of them. Why not let them decide?

Or is it the case that you fell in love, ..without a minimal understanding of yourself and your partner? ...or, with a minimal understanding of the bond you shared before the commitment started?

You might say that you didn't plan and fall in love. Hmmm. True maybe. Yes, love happens. But then again, you had a minimum basis...

You don't fall in love with a person whose ways of life and whose points of view you strictly disagree with! Was your love Orange then? Nothing wrong in that. It's only that you have more risks. ..Risks of an unsecure or uncertain future together!

But do you claim that your love was a Brown one? ..All about accepting each others' unchangable differences and moving on in life? What went wrong, then?



Section 5. ...do you see the images right?
...it's the Game of Magic Realism.

LOVE IS BLIND.


To answer such questions, we should be going deeper into human psyche;
..where 'crush'es come in; ..the concepts of 'infatuations'...

More deep...

When your lover, --that person, projects an image showing who he/she pretends to be, ...that has a heaven and a hell difference with who he/she actually is.
You don't get a chance to know him/her better untill you come too close to identify the truth.

Even more deep...

When you hold conflicting desires at the depth of your own psyche, ..or different desires compared to what you believed to have.
It's the same thing. Just the other way round.
In the process you identify yourself, feel sorry and want to come out; ..but never admit that you did something wrong!
Oh! The satire to be a human!

Or, still deeper...

When you fall in love expecting so much from each other that you just fail to bear each others' loads at the middle of the relationship!

Or, someday, someway you discover that the understanding you shared at the beginning has vanished somehow. ..You had changed!
There stands a wall. Which neither of you can cross.
Nurturing your hurt egos, you part ways.

These things happen. It's called the Rocky Road of Love.

Some cross it together. Some leave behind their partners. Some are left behind.
And some leave behind themselves.

Unfortunate.
And this is just the price you pay, if you fall in love with a person whose varying images you can't grasp or manipulate...

Be sure where you are going out. And with whom.

If possible, restrict your feelings inside.
Be patient and observe. Yes, it's tough to do, ..if not impossible, ...when you are in love.

But let your Heart love and give this job to your Brain, ..can you? Let it see and weigh the pros and cons of a satisfying and secure future.

Let it decode the images. Are they real ? Are you in love with an image, --somebody you just believe to exist, ..or ...do you really connect ? How much Orange does your Brown have?

Play the game efficiently to strip the images off. Let your Brain reveal the Real person whom your Heart claims to love...

You can at least Try, ..than to feel sorry for yourself the second time...


( I will try my best to end this gibberish in another post...)

Broken blossoms:

Zareena is 12.She cannot help but excitedly narrate to others what fun school is. Words, numbers, colours, friends….she enjoys every bit. Zareena’s life was very different even a few months back. A flashback into her life will tell a story….a story that is still a reality for many more Zareena’s …..

She is the elder daughter of a poverty-stricken four member family of Sivakasi, a matchstick making village in Tamil Nadu. Inability of her factory working father and domestic help mother to make both ends meet, naturally pushed the seven year old into work. But Zareena wasn’t alone. All children of her village were employed at the matchstick factory. The day started at 4.30 AM when a bus from the factory arrived to pick up the children and take them to the factory. Here Zareena began work by placing frames for the matchsticks into racks. Following a breakfast of fermented rice and pickle, she filled boxes, labeled them and helped packing them. After a few days at the factory, little Zareena was engaged in mixing chemicals in the factory’s boiler room. The first signs of the seven year old’s health breaking down became evident. She often came home with scalded fingers and hands. Sitting for long hours in that cramped position left her shoulders. Because of incessant inhaling of hot and toxic chemicals, the girl developed respiration trouble. After almost 12 hours at work, Zareena returned home with the rest. Here too the same meagre meal welcomed her home. She had no books, colours, pictures, toys. A little sleep was all she asked for....the balm to heal her wounds and prepare her for the hard day to follow. But even that was interrupted by the screams and squeals of her mother, being bashed by his drunk father, just home from work. Tears rolled down the little girl’s eyes, wetting the pillow beneath her head.

Zareena wanted to study. Whenever she accompanied her ammi to the household where she worked, which wasn’t too often, she was awestruck. There was a complete children’s room, where the kids spoke in a language strangely foreign to her. They laughed at her when she couldn’t respond to their questions, mocked at her for not going to school……..more tears..who would listen to Zareena’s story? Ammi? She had her own tragedies to deal with…..Abba? He pulled at her plaits and beat her when anyone from the factory complained that she had dozed off for a few minutes during work.

It sunk into her system…..her life just went on and on……matchsticks, frames, fermented rice and pickle, labels, chemicals, heat, stains, burns…

Then ARUNODHAYA happened to her. True to its name, it brought into Zareena’s life, the rays of the sun. like her, many others from the village were given a new lease of life.

Education opened her eyes, and she convinced her parents that she positively wanted to attend school. Arunodhaya made sure that Zareena and the rest would not have to go back to the factory.

12 year old Zareena is the “student leader” of her class. English is her favourite subject. Clad in an old cheap salwaar kameez, she talks in a determined voice. Zareena aspires to be a doctor. She tries her best to cut down on abba’s drinking, and believes she’s doing good at it.

Zareena is one of god’s chosen children…..the right thing happened and the story of her life turned completely. But what about the rest like her? What about the lanky boy who works dangerously in the mechanic shop? What about the 6 year old, who has left her village, to come take care of your 6 month old? Will the innocent girl who works in the heat and chemicals of the glass bangle factory, ever be fortunate to adorn her wrists with beautiful bangles….

A Long Leave

Well I had been on a long leave these days coz I was battling with my Part I exams....and no I'm not heaving a sigh of relief now that it's over...coz I'm dreading the day when my results would be announced!


So what was I doing these days?Well I went to Belur math one fine evening to watch the "Sandhya Arti" and that too by a river boat ride on the Ganga.Man it was awesome!Now I really do believe once in a life time you should go there to watch the arti and that too by a boat....and feel the winds caressing your face and you will feel like an uncaged bird free from all wordly meaness and pettiness!And when you will hear the"Aratric bhajan" of the brahmacharies echoing and filling in the great hall of the Mandir...you will feel closer to God like never before!

It may be so that many of you may be thinking"whats so great about it?".......but believe me once you go there ...surely you will feel like I did!

I would have loved to write down the details...but words have failed me in this case,I guess.Till then..........

Sionara!

The Fighter's Spirit

(There are some very fundamental mis-conceptions of the public about the Martial Arts. Being a proud martial artist myself, I always dreamt about writing something that creates a stir and clears all the fog about this wonderful form of art. I've finally took up the effort to put it into words briefly and I hope this doesn't go in vain...)

Shakespeare said that Life is a stage where we play different characters tactfully. But more than that, I believe that life is an arena, a battle-field where we fight out each other’s existence, struggle to survive in this hostile place.

This is not only a war with each other individuals, this battle is not at all that simple… this war is against none other, but Ourselves! Yes, here we learn to fight out our intentions, we learn to control our desires, we learn to conquer the evil inside us. But, what is the target? To win in all of these battles, of course. But, the question is ‘Why?’ … Why should we fight with our natural instincts and desires that are rooted so deep inside us? The answer is: That is what makes us human. If we let ourselves go in any way that it wants to, literally, there wouldn’t be any difference between us and the barbaric wild animals. And, using our intuition we know very well, that it wont be a suitable environment to live in.

Yes, at the end of the day we are still animals, but we have a special power that they actually lack… the power to Think, the power to Analyse, the power to Dream, the power to Hope, the power of intuition, … that is, the powers of the inner Spirit!

Here I’m not talking about ‘Divinity’. I am here to show you the magnanimity of the power of the Spirit inside all of us. The mainframe of our system, which gives instructions out to our body and mind, is controlled by none other than the Will power. Infact, actually there is nothing we do that we wish not to! Anything and everything we do or think is empowered and governed by this Will.

We realise it or not, there is a fighter in each and everyone of us. Yes, I am talking to YOU … there’s a fighter in YOU too! Though it remains very dominant and passive, it is very aggressive and ferocious; it finds every other opportunity to escape the four-walls of the dungeons of cowardice and come out through our actions.

Martial Arts is publicly thought to be a sport or atleast a co-curricular activity that helps you to be physically strong and defend yourself from oppressers effectively. Apart from these, martial artists are thought to be ‘cool’ and ‘dangerous’. But now, I will tell you about the original philosophy, the actual meaning and goal behind the practice of the Martial Arts.

The origin of the martial arts, specifically the arts of Kungfu and Karate, was surprisingly from the most peace-loving communities of the human society, the Buddhist Monks. These people, who generally spend their whole day meditating, got biologically affected for remaining physically inactive for a time time. Hence several diseases and physical problems and sometimes sleep used to creep-in in the hours of self-realisation. Apart from that, there were many communities who loved to annoy these peaceful people. Hence, as a method of self-defence and also as an exercise, originated the martial arts.

The object of martial arts is not fighting, on the contrary it is used to stop fighting. I remember, when I was a kid, I was very turbulent, impatient and sometimes very aggressive and violent. But now, after 8 years of extensive training in the martial arts, I can redirect all of my negative energy for a positive cause. I am now one of the most non-violent, peaceful , soft-spoken and patient people of my group. Martial arts has taught me to live with my back straight and at the same time lower my head to my superiors. Ego, anger, impatience have got a back-seat while my confidence and mental stability have got an enormous boost. Concentration, focus, ability of resistance against all odds, the spirit of taking on any challenge, the cool mind to handle any presure… these are all the ‘side-effects’ of this pure form of art. This not only guides to be a better person, but makes you one and brings fundamental positive changes to your character and even the way you think.

Thus the point is not to struggle, but being such that you suit perfectly in the system, without even noticing it yourself. And, this arts prepares the back-stage for this performance only. The main object is not to rectify others, but to rectify yourself… realise who you are, what your true abilities are, to be a a good human being yourself.

Corruptions exist, as it always will. Thus we know about scarred people who forgot the original purpose of this lesson of life-time. Instead they think of it as a ‘course’ and boast of ‘completeing’ it. Let me tell you something, most of us think that a black-belt is the final step of mastering a style of martial arts… but here goes the truth: in Japanese black belt is called Shodan, where ‘sho’ means ‘the first step’. Thus where we think that it has ended, actually that is the beginning! And let me tell you, martial arts is never a course, it has no end. Like you cant stop building your character, like you cannot become ‘The Master’ in music or literature, there is also to stopping in martial arts. It becomes an intricate part of your life, infact it become Life itself for you when you are seriously involved. And, I’m telling this all from a first-person’s view!

But there are still some people who love to show off, they tread in the shallow depths of the ‘glamour’ and ‘cool factor’ of this art, and hence at the end of the day wear it just like an ornament, as a sport. But the ones, who embrace it to their soul, realise that it isn’t just a physical activity, but it is a Way of Life. The way to be peaceful in life, to be a person with honour, dignity and lastly security. The ornament, the glamour the individual ability, the flexibility … all wears off with old age, as it must. But the character remains. That is the target of martial arts… to gain permanence, to get incorporated into the character itself, which never wears off till Death does it apart, maybe!

Thus, according to me, a true martial artist may not be a champion in a number of national and international tournaments, but he is a champion of himself. For, he has learnt to conquer his senses, control his desires, divert his subtlest energies for a greater, nobler cause. He always wins, not little ‘skirmishes’ on a ‘builit-up arena’, but greater battles that really matter, and he also wins the heart of all the people around with his good nature, with his Love. Yes, don’t be so surprised, martial arts teaches us to love.

It takes us on a tour through the maximum hardships, treads in the boundaries of our capabilities and extend them to let us realise the unnoticed whole new passive world of extraordinary capabilities in us and ultimately reaches the Divine Soul that is within all of us and governing all our activities.

It nurtures the fighters in us and makes them Emperors, reigning upon an empire, that is Within!

The champions hold their head high in the air and say :

“Come ye trials and challenges; come life’s big waves, for I am ready…”

(Grandmaster Mas Oyama)

Thus is the meaning of Martial Arts.

.

TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

( a few things to say : I do not intend to attack anybody living or dead. It's just this that by "you" or "we" in this post, I mean everybody of us; ..and, yes, including myself. I am human. I remain flawed thus. And again. This is my personal view. And neither do I expect to thrust my view on my readers. And still I wonder why I receive so many comments, when I do nothing other than to talk rubbish. I am sorry! You just may have to bear me for another 3 posts. Forgive me. And 'Thank You' for the reason that you haven't kicked me out of this blog as yet...)


Section 3. ...do we 'Understand'?
...do we know to play 'the Other'?

...ON OURSELVES.

It's this cucoon of self-absorbment, that we talked about in my last section, which we had never believed to exist in the first place.

We dream. Maybe, ..a better way to put it, ..we expect. Of course! What's life without expectations? What's life without hope?

But again.. expectations should be realistic.

Now what does being real or practical mean? Does it mean to tie yourself down to a few social, moral values? Does this mean that your desires should all be smashed to pieces just because this stupid world doesn't validate them?

(Poets do exactly that. They don't wait for the validation. They just express. And in most of the cases the world comes round ...after a hundred years... to these uttered words! But again, we are discussing on us, ..the common people, ..not on poets. Remember? ..We are discussing the love of soil, ..not the love of dreams.)

We might take a bit of help from psychology. The topic on which we would be discussing in this section is termed : 'projecting your self on another person' in psychology. It's called : "taking the role of The Other". What the hell is this all about?

It's nothing but a scientific/ statistical interpretation of the underlying word in all relationships. CONNECTION.

When you suddenly realise that the desires you hold, deep inside your heart, just don't take into account the other human beings on this planet, ... you know, that you are being one-sided!
You can't take yourself to be a broad minded person.

You CAN say : "I have the liberty to live my life.."

But again, this means that you are a very poor connector.
You don't connect with people. It's as if the others' lives, ..their problems, their constraints mean so very less to you.

i.e. you don't ... or is it 'can't'?... judge a situation, nor do you validate a desire -- placing yourself to somebody else' position. i.e. in psychological language, you just don't know to take The Other's role...

And it's then when the game of your life becomes dangerous. You play with pain. You play with fire. You have so many desires to fulfill. But then again, the world doesn't run by the wish of your wand. You stay locked up. In your cucoon. Dreaming...

And when you start stepping out, you start feeling for others.

You start to see others' emotions, others' feelings, others' constraints -- as if they were all yours.. Yours very own. And it's then when you start to understand the 'why's...

You start to know the reasons...

Your eyes open to the ever-complicated mathematics by which this world runs. ( ..because this world is supposed to contain everybody; ..not only you.)

And it is then when you suddenly realise what a baby you had once been... wrapped up in the blankets of your very own sky, ..having their very own stars. And you ask why were your dreams invalidated by reality? ..by this world? Have you thought about this world? Why would it think about you?

It's then when you start to undergo a transformation. Your desires are moulded in the new plane. And, ..maybe, ..they are rendered more right; ...more realistic.

Tell me, had you ever tried to find out why your lover left you? ..or, why he or she fights with you all the times? Did you search for his/her problems -- thinking them to be your very own?

Nobody is bad at heart.

He/she must have had some worries.. May be some unsolvable constraints.. Maybe, he/she decided not to tell you that thinking that you would never understand... Just think what a brilliant image you have in the eyes of your lover then. Whose fault is it anyway? Entirely his/hers?

No. Most of you blamed them. More of you cursed them. And maybe, lesser of you just felt dejected and drained and walked out with a heavy heart. Why? Just because your very own desires remain unfulfilled? ..See? What had I meant by 'the cucoon of self-absorbment'?

..And what do you think, your behaviour and attitude led your lover to think?

And what more do you want when you know, that your lover commited the very same mistake. ..If you only could allow me to call this a 'mistake'?

It's the game of Images, honey, that we, humans, play all our lives.

We make images. We break images.
Images grow. Images change.

But again, Real Truth always manages to stay hidden untill and unless you have the guts and strength to view something from all possible angles. ..If only you knew to take The Other's role. Then, some views wouldn't have locked themselves from your eyes for ever.

A rear camera in a soccer ground picks up a hand-ball, which was totally 'invisible' to the ninety-nine other cameras spread across the ground!


It's said that on one's point of view the world gets interpreted. To see Beauty, one needs to have a pair of beauty-seeking eyes.

And to make your desires come true, you should be able to mould your self.
"It's not the spoon, Neo", "If you look closely, you'll find that it's your mind that bends!"


All Relationships in this world run on one word. "UNDERSTANDING".
--On how well one partner 'understands' the other.
--On how well one partner moulds/ adapts himself/ herself to the needs of The Other.
..and for a relationship to stay, this must be from both the sides.

I had told you once before that nobody is bad at heart.
We are all here to love.
We just need to know how...

Most of the times, we love. But the energy gets misdirected. We end up having a fight.

And this happens because we just don't 'Understand'.

And how do we understand?

By learning to step out of our self-absorption. By learning how to play 'The Other' in a relationship.
By lending a hand of support. By lending a hand of Love.

Listen. And see. Make your mind bend, rather than trying desparately to bend this whole world.

Come out of your false cucoon. And spread Love.

It's easy...

(to be continued)

TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

Section 2. Hitting the Bull's Eye... it needs honesty to face the truth.

It's hard to avoid practicality. And it's hard to avoid this truth as well that there lies numerous Desires in our psyche which we ourselves don't acknowledge consiously. A dear friend of mine had once told me this that most of these desires, if revealed, can create high disbelieves. ..but they are there. Right there. And sometimes these desires don't go by Social Rules. And there in comes the question of holding Practical Desires. ..well, however beautiful it may be, the poem in the last section doesn't echo practicality.

Each of us dream of a fulfilling love. But almost none of us get it. Is this merely by chance.. or, is there a Paradox hiding somewhere?

Do We Get To The Question Of Questions? :

Answer yourself. Do you love to love, or do you love to receive love more?

Love starts to take shape when you start caring. When someone's smile becomes the source of your joy... when someone's pain becomes the source of your sorrow, ..when your soul starts to connect with somebody.

And who doesn't want to be loved? When there's no question asked on why you behave the way you do. When there's no request asking for a change in your attitude and individuality. When someone just happens to know the right ratio between when to care for you and when to set you free, to let you be who you are. ..when someone is always there to support you at the times of need. ..and when someone makes you feel and believe that you are not alone in this world.. you say someone has started to care for you, someone has started to love you.

And yes, it hurts, ..when we love dearly never to receive love in return. And naturally when we sit down and discuss, there pops up a question. Why does this happen? We would be looking to discuss that in my next posts. But for the time being, let's turn our attention to something, ..perhaps.., more deep.

Do we EXPECT to be loved in return when we love? ..at least do we hold such desires deep in our subconcious? ..and does this word get projected to our concious undergoing a transformation to 'HOPE'?

A question worth asking.

If the two -- loving and being loved remain forever separated in the depth of our psyche, ..tell me, why do we stop caring when we don't receive love? Though it doesn't happen all the times, most of the times this does happen. Are we lovers, then?

..not expecting godly images from our own selves, and agreeing collectively on the fact that being humans we remain very much fallible.., can we answer to our own consience something very honestly?

Aren't we DEALERS of human emotions, then?

And if all of us think in the same line, who's going to come and love us? Had we loved somebody in our own lives? ..Unconditionally? How do we expect unconditional love, then?

We claim we love. We write poems. We lose ourselves in the solitary greens amidst nature, thinking of the moments that we dream of spending together. Utopic?

Desires, desires, desires. They ruin it all.

They take us to a different world. ..Which might be suitable for writing poems, but if the whole world ran like this, ..each person lost in the dirty mazes of his own desires and utopia, who's going to step up and ask whether we need practical supports at the times of need? Who's going to care whether we are going at the right direction in our lives?

Romance serves well. But only as a topping. Without it, yes, the cake tastes bland. But sapping only cream, you end up getting impractically flabby.

The pain that you claim to get is because of your failure to taste those moments. But had you paid for that romance by caring about your love at the times when support was seeked? And are you sure that the support given then was not solely to taste those moments? Had you paid? And had you paid to buy? Sorry. Love is not sold. And do you Love? Did you love? ..just a few unnerving questions to avoid...

If everybody thought like this, the world would had come to a stand still, with every person dreaming inside his own cucoon of self-absorbment and holding impractical, colourful Desires, ..ever oblivient to the fact that they are never going to come true if they didn't venture out, breaking off that shell of self-absorbment. ..Just because, there's nobody waiting to love you outside. Because everybody happens to sleep like you, dreaming and dreaming and dreaming.

Hundreds of unfulfilled desires... enveloping this stupid world.
..And travelling round and round in circles without having any place left to go, ..always returning to its own genesis. And to top it all, sometimes there are double utopian ventures, when your love makes you believe that you are in love. ..Then it's just a question of who comes down to the brown of the soil first and breaks off this feeble relationship, that never was. And there are those couples who hold hands knowing that both of them dream, and asking each other to support their stupid dreams. And, may be, it's this love that stays.

I am going to tell you stories of a handful of real lovers, ..who loved their love more than they loved themselves. ..And how lucky had I been to meet them, face to face.

(to be continued...)

.

The twisted legacy
It turned around the learned brain

The anatomy of my soul
I split it open

Thousand pieces of glass entered me
It did not hurt

Sad but strange
I forgot what was pain

I fixed my eyes on you
Ravaging options came up

It was hard to concentrate
It was early morning

Dilemma of truth
I could not accept it
I could not kill you

Cold , true , moist were the textures in my eyes
Harsh,Disbelief tones were all you saw in those dark lanes.

Life , come to me once more
I will lead you another destination

THE WALK

A lonely walk
to nowhere
with no body;
with no fear......


OH ITZ DARK!!!

You came
touched me
your wand
got destroyed!!!
I am a lonely walker......
on this road
on this world......

OH ITZ SO DARK!!!

Feel me
sense me
but don't touch
I am poisonous!!!

AM I GETTING MAD???

I can't breath
the air is green;
am i walking on a dream world?
or is it poison???

AM I DAYDREAMING??? or, ????

An evening
when Phoenix burns...
fire and fire
everywhere...
but don't scare;
look at it
Find a new life...

PERFECT ENDING...IS IT???

(***i was writing it last night..but i myself don't know why did i write this one ...itz pathetic... but still i'm gonna publish it...on SFTH...***)

TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

( nabanita has said she's not going to accept a 'thank you' under any circumstances... it's only because of her that i exist in blue in this blog... a pity that is, i can't say a 'thank you'! : ) ..but, never mind.)


1. A Few Confessions: the preface...

To cut it short, I am very sorry to state, that this is going to be a long post. This is not a story. Neither is this a poem... I give you the liberty to term it what you may. I am going to call this a "Scientific Research Paper presented on Love" ...to be published in the journal 'Straight from the Heart'.

I don't expect you to read this... I only hope. And there are some reasons why I am publishing this in this blog and not in my personal space that nabanita had so lovingly created for me... I would be dividing my post in five to six sections, which I look to publish periodically. I hope to complete within one month.

Any replies or sequels would be lovingly accepted, ..as they always are.., but only after all the five or six sections get published. But I do wonder,.. as I always do,.. that whether you would be doing something correct to reply to a post that would be utterly boring and full of tall talk!

2. Quantifying Love : the introduction...

Is it possible to quantify Love? ...And as it seems that it's tough to find an answer, let us face a less difficult question. Is it at all necessary to try to quantify Love? If Love gets quantified ever, doesn't it seem that the emotions would lose their colours, ...their essence? Wouldn't they be stripped naked ..if they get dissected under a scientific point of view?

May be: yes! But only a 'may be'! Instead, it may so happen that some of our long asked questions get answered... that we are relieved... that we don't need to lock ourselves in the unexplained, suffocating environment anymore. We may feel the light, coming out of the all-pervading dampness. ...And yes. Some of us are still suffocating... and that we are in need of some fresh air is not a lie. I try my best to provide you with an explanation. This paper comes after the long seven-year toil that I had, ..fighting continually my own psyche. And if the inferences here are derived wrong, I have no other option to suspect my sanity. Do let me know if I am sane...

Life is a mathematical function of the binary variables called Decisions. Thay take up two values. Yes and no.
And decisions in life should be taken both by the Head and the Heart.
...But sometimes we forget that Relationships are lived in the grey area between the heart and the head!


Section 1. ...from the land of Utopia : ...the heart sings a song!

"Everynight in my dreams
I see you.
I feel you."
And when I wake up to greet
Every new dawn,
I see colours...

I see you.

They say I am in love.
I don't know what I am in.
I only know
I am in You.

Twenty four hours
Flow through me,
Making your touch felt
Every moment.

I work, I eat.
I sleep, I live.
But only for the sake of it
Is it?

Life.
Its Givings and Takings.
What for?

Do I gain when it gives me something?,
Tell me,
When you are here in my arms...?
...Or do I lose something?,
When everything else is taken away from me?

It's this stupid world
Which runs on...
Questioning my sanity.

But, you know,
I laugh at them too.
Silently and imperceptively.

I feel for them...
They don't know what they miss...


Though the intensity varies from person to person, the basic principle of surrender in Love remains the same for everybody. But, yeah! A nice poem! But does these feelings get transformed to reality? Is this poem practical?

Answer me. Does your love come to you? No: 80%; Yes: 20%.
If he/she comes to you, do you remain together forever? No: 90%; Yes: 10%.
If you remain together till death, do you, at every moment, get the flavour you had dreamt of ? No: >99%; Yes: ?

What do we remain with? Maybe a handful, if at all... And why is the percentage such scary?

I had told you before that relationships are lived in the grey areas between our head and our heart...

(to be continued...)

Inactivity Warning !

Some members are inactive for months and never even dropped a comment. With regret, I'm announcing that they would be removed from SFTH within 1 week's notice.

The concerned members are : lioness, Prithwish Mukherjee, sohinisircar, Anshumali, Prasun, Agarwal.

I will not deliberately email them. It is their responsibility to check out this site from time to time.

.

This looks more like a dear old dream which I cant give up so easily. Do not leave alone , the ignorant faces around a thousand glimpses.The eyes that spoke nothing , leave alone the music in the air.

Aching eyes and midnight strikes as I think again.I lose some senses, a flute plays long across the river.Nightly ghosts grab me and try to kill me. I fight , I lose , I fight again and I go on.

A fire burns deep down the lane , some unknown hands warm themselves.You might burn , I say to them . They look back and say , you might die.

........................

kobitar chondo ta melate na mere toke dilam dak ,
ure giye bollo pakhi ta
mitthe tor ei bhajal ...hridoy,
bhanga kache e paa re ..katlam hath ...
dekhlam rokter moddhe koto ta beche thakar moshla aache ! ...

On Our Love

A very pathetic sequel to the astoundingly beautiful poem "On a Moonbeam" by akaash. Hope he is not angry... And I hope I do not dash the hopes which my friend Vivek has heaped on me.

A desert run.

The radiant sun.

And I return again.

To these crowded golden sands.

Crowded with the memories of yore,

When we were together and sadness was no more.

The blue day sky,

Carries trillions of twinkling stars,

Sends me your message

But are blinded by the rays of sun from far.

It reminds me of your promise.

The sun is harsh – it scowls at me,

And it spreads its mellow to wake everyone up to see

The truth which is hidden in thee.

I wait...

Yet again...

“You fool, you have come again?”

Time remonstrates.

“The last time I met you under the purple light,

And the absent moon – you hallucinated...

You thought your dead love had come back – you insane!”

I say,

“She is not dead!

And she asks me to not to shed tears…

She asks me to not to be sad!”

“She will come from there – the stars,

From far far away

And the moonbeam would show her the light

Nonetheless, I daresay.”

“Ha!”

He laughs...

“All those relativity and rule bending are passé

Just figments of your imagination

Never is she gonna come to you

From sufferance and indignation...”

I wait.

And He laughs on.

“Look there! – Here she comes at last!”

Dressed in eternal white

She approaches,

An ethereal sight!

The sun gets dim.

The sand gets cooler.

Water arises from the desert for a thirsty dweller.

It’s your touch that I feel again.

It’s your scent that I inhale again.

He cries, “How can it happen?”

“This must be a dream!”

My heart races,

For that moment it seems

Is being packed away in tiny little cases.

And scattered.

To be assimilated again.

I can’t hear Him anymore,

Whilst she shows me the door.

Fulfilled at last,

Be it moon or sun it doesn’t matter anymore.

We are One again.

There will be no parting this time,

No promises would be forged to reunite again,

For the tears needn’t run anymore,

And no need will be for the Wish Fairies of the Holy Sycamore.

“If only you knew

How to wish…”

I tell Him.

“If only you knew

How to dream…

How to hope,

How to believe…

If only you knew

How to resurrect the grays of Reality,

With pure, innocent faith…”

“It is through my end that I start again

That I meet with my lover

And never depart in the rain.”

“Thou hast killed yourself for Love?”

“Is it really worth dying for?”

Says Time, now on His knees.

The echo of my answer lingers,

“You can’t fix a price on Love, after all...

Ain’t it?”

If only you had a moonbeam for these.

Independence

Independence. Surprisingly, the word in itself carries a strange paradox. Independence is a positive concept and a very powerful one. Yet the word is grammatically negative and it has its meaning only by negating ‘dependence’ ! That means it is utterly dependent itself !

Here lies the catch. As a general rule of Nature, dependence is more fundamental than it’s opposite. That explains its prevalence and dominance over the other. We are all born and created to be dependent. We ‘fight’ for freedom. But we depend for our own ease and comfort. No preparation is required if we want to take help from somebody, but analogically to make ourselves self-sufficient and complete (though I believe no-one can be entirely complete in himself) it requires a lot of planning and hard work.

We don’t realize that we’re dependent until and unless something hits bluntly in our face and rudely refuses to comply with our wishes. For example, people go to work to earn a living. But they have personal hobbies and passions too. Who the heck wants to go to work everyday? If given the choice and the proper resources I’d rather roam about the whole world, make friends with different kinds of people… or maybe read books on the windy beaches of a sea-side and spend the nights hearing the sounds of insects and staring at the moon… instead of going to college and reading about stuff that has no connection to our daily lives by any means.

But here also, comes Habit. Habit is a characteristic of all living beings that makes them dependent unknowingly on itself. In fact, habit is the most responsible factor that makes us go in a straight, pre-determined, methodical and ordered line. As it has become our habit to earn for a living and be occupied with something, that after maybe a couple to months of vacation we want to get back to where we were, no matter how monotonous and painful it was. We would forget all about freedom and voluntarily want to be in the cage again!

But again, as all students of physics might know (Second Law of Thermodynamics), to nature Chaos is more fundamental than order.

Hence, as we see, this is one of the greatest examples of how the nature maintains its balance with the help of the opposites. On one hand it wants to be chaotic, but at the same time it remains ordered by becoming dependent on its instincts and also on the surrounding influences. Yin & Yang !

Just as light has no meaning without darkness, just as a woman finds her completeness in the company of a man, just as a vacation finds its meaning after a long period of pre-occupation and hard work; similarly independence is here only because there was dependence once upon a time. The phase of dependence is equally significant. Not only it has helped us to thrive but it has pointed out what could have been better, where the holes in the cloth are, where we actually stand.

I do not see independence just as freedom from a habit or a superior power, but I see it as a realization, a motivation, a cause that brings integrity among the diversified elements. But at the same time I also do not look down upon the earlier phase of dependence. It is the cause that brings the awareness, it is the foundation where the structure stands, it has taught us to dream. It is the other half of nature’s Divine Cycle.

Let us not be ashamed that we were dependent once, but let us be grateful that it gave us enough reasons to not to be.

Ekphota Bristi

On a Moonbeam : By akaash

A lagoon.
The full moon.
And I return again.
To these desolate silver sands…

The purple night sky,
Carrying trillions of twinkling stars,
Sends me your message;
…Reminds me of your promise!

You said you would come again…

The moon smiles at me,
And the violet of the night spreads…
As every night bird is sent to sleep
In their wooden dens!

I wait…



“How come you are not sad?”
Time asks me.
“She is dead! Right?”

“She is right here in my heart”,
I say.
“She is not dead!
And she asks me to not to shed tears…
She asks me to not to be sad!”

“How would she come?”
Time asks again
Pointing to the stars,
“That’s a long distance!”

“The moonlight shows her the way every fortnight”,
I cry.

“She can’t!”
Time is outraged.
“It’s my law!”

“We don’t follow your law”,
I say.
“We know how to stretch the limits…

Reality is relative too,
For those who Believe.

Look! She has come.”



Time stops.
There is a hush.
Nature draws back a few scared steps,
As the laws of Reality are rewritten again
...On these moonlit sands.

In the magical lights and shadows of the moon,
Isn’t that you?
…Dressed in the gorgeous black,
Surging my blood within?
…Your magnanimous appeal
Mocking Time,
Ever as before!

It’s your touch that I feel again.
It’s your scent that I inhale again.

We make love again.
And we are rendered Complete once more…

…As the fey Moon night watches
To keep mortals away,
We become One.

My heart beats slower,
As the thousand pieces of my Soul lie scattered
On the beach sands.
I lie lifeless…

The wind grows…

It’s the fairytale that your eyes had made me see.
Promise me, Dear,
To never to take it away…

For hours,
We sit, we talk and we love.
…It’s the wish of our tryst.

…Our wish,

…That gets fulfilled every Full Moon!

And at dawn,
As the first ray of the mild morning sun
Starts to dissipate the Night’s
Black Mystery,
We part once more…
With the promise to reunite again
Beside these transparent waters,
Whose tears carry the smile of the Moon
Every fortnight.



“It’s your Imagination, honey!”
Time spouts.

“It’s only my Wish that had come true!”
I naively sob…
“The fairies aren’t dead!”


“If only you knew
How to wish…”
I tell Him.
“If only you knew
How to dream…

How to hope,
How to believe…

If only you knew
How to resurrect the grays of Reality,
With pure, innocent faith…”



Echoes the remnants of the Night:
“If only you had a moonbeam…”

Once Again......

Once again......
The flowers are blossoming
With the drop of dew......
Captured some moments in the frame
Though they are very few...
Suddenly a thought comes to my mind
Again!!!!!
I am thinking about you......

Once Again......
The sun is shining
In my mind...
I remember the day
When I wanted to become
a blind...
Coz I couldn't find myself
in your mind...
Those moments are few
And today again
I am thinking about you......


Once Again......
I am seeing the moon
I am not dreaming
Coz, I can see you
whenever I want to...
you are alwyz in my mind...
I am thinking about you......

Oneday......
My life will come to an end
Life completes itz journey
with pain and sorrow...
But I'll be happy
because
I'll think about you......


(*****may be some of my friend can object on the subject...but i writ whatever i want.....thanx for all of urs concerns...but u can't write forcefully..it just happens....so....******)

a Thought in a night !

In a candle lit night ..
We sat across a river

We looked at each other
In those eyes , a river flowed

As the night went along the way
We went along a different way

It is the cause.

It is the cause, my soul.

Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars.

It is the cause.

The cause is known to you and me
Yet we played different games

The eyes that twinkled
The freckled skin took turns

Do we need to continue ?
Will you answer me ?

The answer is an emphatic NO
Hypnotized by your fiery beauty

I burnt , I burnt in peace
I did not Rest , yet I was at piece.

So long, love ,
The path is shown
It is up to you to see it and cross the river.

The picture is not taken by me.
And quotations courtesy Shakespeare

SAND AND STONE

Two friends were walking through the desert. In a specific point of the
journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in
the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but...without saying
anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to
take a bath. The one who got slapped and hurt started drowning, and the
other friend saved him. When he recovered from the fright, he wrote on a
stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who saved and slapped his best friend, asked him "Why, after
I hurt you, did you write in the sand, and now you write on a stone?"

The other friend, smiling, replied, "When a friend hurts us, we should
write it down in the sand, where the winds of forgiveness get in charge
of erasing it away, and when something great happens, we should engrave
it in the stone of the memory of the heart, where no wind can erase it."

Learn to write in the sand.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your
Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

PRAYER
Gracious and forgiving God, help us this day to become more like you in
our ability to forgive and forget. Amen.


*** **i was surfing somesite..& suddenly saw this article from some unknown author..liked it....so i modify something...& thought to share with u..hop u all will like it*****