TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

Successful love stories do not need psyching-outs. It's only when a love fails that you ask yourself questions.
And again, some loves fail due to misfortunes; ..due to incidents that couldn't be avoided; ..due to fate.
Leave them. They have different stories to tell.
But there are some loves which fail due to separations.
No fate this time. No third angle issues. It's just that the relationship itself failed. And it's then when you want to know more, ...that exactly what went wrong.
In Section 2, I promised to try and give an answer to the question that why our feelings do not get reciprocated when we love somebody so passionately, in many of the cases. Or why somebody lets us know, at the middle of a relationship, that he/she is not interested anymore.
And in the forthcoming section I am going to do exactly that.
To try. To try and categorise.
Categorisations in Love come when you stop using your heart. Don't ask me if it's right to do that. I am going to do exactly that. I told you this is more like a Reseach Paper on Love. Not a poem.
It's time we dissected love with our Brains, so that we don't have to go through the same pain once all over again. More so perhaps because you don't want to repeat your mistakes the second time, ..if Love ever comes to you the second time.
You can't guarantee that it will not. More so in today's world, where people have started to live at The Present.



Section 4. ...on Reciprocation of Love.
...on a search for the 'why's and 'how's.


You think you love. And the truth is you do. Passionately, sincerely... you care. And when you see your love is not getting reciprocated, you start to feel the pain. And you love more. In your mind. In your heart. And you get more pain.
(Will you come out? It's the test of your love. We will look for the 'how's and 'why's of this question later!)

Why does this happen?

Because the strength of your feelings, your carings, ..the strength of your love, .. never quite manages to reach the person. It's misdirected.

Everyone of us in this world is unique in our own way. And we love in our own ways. And very naturally, we want to receive love in the way we want to. And, ..may be it's here, ..where we go wrong.

We not only need to respect the differences that we lovers have, we also need to identify the differences. It's more tough compared to what it looks at the first glance. It's here where understanding comes in.

If we understand each other, inspite of our differences, we connect. We can see and identify when we receive love. Even if that way of love doesn't conform to our own way of loving...

It's then when you do understand, your loving energy gets a direction. And may be, the right one.

Or else, ...this fact is too true that when one does start to receive unconditional love, he/she just can't resist a desire to connect. As the bottomline of this world is: Every heart is lonely. Each wants to live with a heart that understands it and cares for it.

You give love doesn't necessarily imply that your partner receives that love.
You can only manage to bridge the gap, and mitigate the energy loss, by Understanding, ..by Connecting.

But again, what happens if the differences --which never show up first, at the start of a relationship; ..and gradually start to emerge out of nowhere.. -- are too big to live with?

You have three options then.

1. You change your lover.
2. You change yourself.
3. You part ways.

When there's a strong love between two persons, with a minimal understanding of each other, ..both of them change themselves fitting the requirements of their Love. Slowly they change. But surely.

This is called 'adaptation to the other's needs' in Love's language.

And this continues untill you conform to the same things, or at least, stop disapproving the other's habits and ways of living and ways of loving and receiving love.

It's perhaps wrong to force a change in your lover. And you just can't force it if you love strongly. You hope that things are going to work out by their own. And then it may so happen that the person who claims to love you just don't bring in those changes. Or maybe, ..he/she just can't.
Or even it may so happen that you do these things yourself.

..so many things that can happen in Love.

And it's then when you start to think whether you should 'accept' or 'come out'!



Tough question. And the answer varies from person to person.

Many couples 'accept' each others' unchangable and painful differences and move on in life! For the concern they share for each other. For the sake of their Love.

And some are too individualistic to accept these differences. They part ways. Even if it hurts and hurts hell..

It's not that they are wrong. It's just that they are different.

Everybody should be given the liberty to walk his/her own way in life. As far as they don't break the laws or social morals or ethics.
It's the life of the two of them. Why not let them decide?

Or is it the case that you fell in love, ..without a minimal understanding of yourself and your partner? ...or, with a minimal understanding of the bond you shared before the commitment started?

You might say that you didn't plan and fall in love. Hmmm. True maybe. Yes, love happens. But then again, you had a minimum basis...

You don't fall in love with a person whose ways of life and whose points of view you strictly disagree with! Was your love Orange then? Nothing wrong in that. It's only that you have more risks. ..Risks of an unsecure or uncertain future together!

But do you claim that your love was a Brown one? ..All about accepting each others' unchangable differences and moving on in life? What went wrong, then?



Section 5. ...do you see the images right?
...it's the Game of Magic Realism.

LOVE IS BLIND.


To answer such questions, we should be going deeper into human psyche;
..where 'crush'es come in; ..the concepts of 'infatuations'...

More deep...

When your lover, --that person, projects an image showing who he/she pretends to be, ...that has a heaven and a hell difference with who he/she actually is.
You don't get a chance to know him/her better untill you come too close to identify the truth.

Even more deep...

When you hold conflicting desires at the depth of your own psyche, ..or different desires compared to what you believed to have.
It's the same thing. Just the other way round.
In the process you identify yourself, feel sorry and want to come out; ..but never admit that you did something wrong!
Oh! The satire to be a human!

Or, still deeper...

When you fall in love expecting so much from each other that you just fail to bear each others' loads at the middle of the relationship!

Or, someday, someway you discover that the understanding you shared at the beginning has vanished somehow. ..You had changed!
There stands a wall. Which neither of you can cross.
Nurturing your hurt egos, you part ways.

These things happen. It's called the Rocky Road of Love.

Some cross it together. Some leave behind their partners. Some are left behind.
And some leave behind themselves.

Unfortunate.
And this is just the price you pay, if you fall in love with a person whose varying images you can't grasp or manipulate...

Be sure where you are going out. And with whom.

If possible, restrict your feelings inside.
Be patient and observe. Yes, it's tough to do, ..if not impossible, ...when you are in love.

But let your Heart love and give this job to your Brain, ..can you? Let it see and weigh the pros and cons of a satisfying and secure future.

Let it decode the images. Are they real ? Are you in love with an image, --somebody you just believe to exist, ..or ...do you really connect ? How much Orange does your Brown have?

Play the game efficiently to strip the images off. Let your Brain reveal the Real person whom your Heart claims to love...

You can at least Try, ..than to feel sorry for yourself the second time...


( I will try my best to end this gibberish in another post...)