Monday, August 28, 2006

THE WALK

A lonely walk
to nowhere
with no body;
with no fear......


OH ITZ DARK!!!

You came
touched me
your wand
got destroyed!!!
I am a lonely walker......
on this road
on this world......

OH ITZ SO DARK!!!

Feel me
sense me
but don't touch
I am poisonous!!!

AM I GETTING MAD???

I can't breath
the air is green;
am i walking on a dream world?
or is it poison???

AM I DAYDREAMING??? or, ????

An evening
when Phoenix burns...
fire and fire
everywhere...
but don't scare;
look at it
Find a new life...

PERFECT ENDING...IS IT???

(***i was writing it last night..but i myself don't know why did i write this one ...itz pathetic... but still i'm gonna publish it...on SFTH...***)

Sunday, August 27, 2006

TO LOVE : the journey of the human psyche from the Orange of Dreams to the Brown of Soil

( nabanita has said she's not going to accept a 'thank you' under any circumstances... it's only because of her that i exist in blue in this blog... a pity that is, i can't say a 'thank you'! : ) ..but, never mind.)


1. A Few Confessions: the preface...

To cut it short, I am very sorry to state, that this is going to be a long post. This is not a story. Neither is this a poem... I give you the liberty to term it what you may. I am going to call this a "Scientific Research Paper presented on Love" ...to be published in the journal 'Straight from the Heart'.

I don't expect you to read this... I only hope. And there are some reasons why I am publishing this in this blog and not in my personal space that nabanita had so lovingly created for me... I would be dividing my post in five to six sections, which I look to publish periodically. I hope to complete within one month.

Any replies or sequels would be lovingly accepted, ..as they always are.., but only after all the five or six sections get published. But I do wonder,.. as I always do,.. that whether you would be doing something correct to reply to a post that would be utterly boring and full of tall talk!

2. Quantifying Love : the introduction...

Is it possible to quantify Love? ...And as it seems that it's tough to find an answer, let us face a less difficult question. Is it at all necessary to try to quantify Love? If Love gets quantified ever, doesn't it seem that the emotions would lose their colours, ...their essence? Wouldn't they be stripped naked ..if they get dissected under a scientific point of view?

May be: yes! But only a 'may be'! Instead, it may so happen that some of our long asked questions get answered... that we are relieved... that we don't need to lock ourselves in the unexplained, suffocating environment anymore. We may feel the light, coming out of the all-pervading dampness. ...And yes. Some of us are still suffocating... and that we are in need of some fresh air is not a lie. I try my best to provide you with an explanation. This paper comes after the long seven-year toil that I had, ..fighting continually my own psyche. And if the inferences here are derived wrong, I have no other option to suspect my sanity. Do let me know if I am sane...

Life is a mathematical function of the binary variables called Decisions. Thay take up two values. Yes and no.
And decisions in life should be taken both by the Head and the Heart.
...But sometimes we forget that Relationships are lived in the grey area between the heart and the head!


Section 1. ...from the land of Utopia : ...the heart sings a song!

"Everynight in my dreams
I see you.
I feel you."
And when I wake up to greet
Every new dawn,
I see colours...

I see you.

They say I am in love.
I don't know what I am in.
I only know
I am in You.

Twenty four hours
Flow through me,
Making your touch felt
Every moment.

I work, I eat.
I sleep, I live.
But only for the sake of it
Is it?

Life.
Its Givings and Takings.
What for?

Do I gain when it gives me something?,
Tell me,
When you are here in my arms...?
...Or do I lose something?,
When everything else is taken away from me?

It's this stupid world
Which runs on...
Questioning my sanity.

But, you know,
I laugh at them too.
Silently and imperceptively.

I feel for them...
They don't know what they miss...


Though the intensity varies from person to person, the basic principle of surrender in Love remains the same for everybody. But, yeah! A nice poem! But does these feelings get transformed to reality? Is this poem practical?

Answer me. Does your love come to you? No: 80%; Yes: 20%.
If he/she comes to you, do you remain together forever? No: 90%; Yes: 10%.
If you remain together till death, do you, at every moment, get the flavour you had dreamt of ? No: >99%; Yes: ?

What do we remain with? Maybe a handful, if at all... And why is the percentage such scary?

I had told you before that relationships are lived in the grey areas between our head and our heart...

(to be continued...)

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Inactivity Warning !

Some members are inactive for months and never even dropped a comment. With regret, I'm announcing that they would be removed from SFTH within 1 week's notice.

The concerned members are : lioness, Prithwish Mukherjee, sohinisircar, Anshumali, Prasun, Agarwal.

I will not deliberately email them. It is their responsibility to check out this site from time to time.

Friday, August 25, 2006

.

This looks more like a dear old dream which I cant give up so easily. Do not leave alone , the ignorant faces around a thousand glimpses.The eyes that spoke nothing , leave alone the music in the air.

Aching eyes and midnight strikes as I think again.I lose some senses, a flute plays long across the river.Nightly ghosts grab me and try to kill me. I fight , I lose , I fight again and I go on.

A fire burns deep down the lane , some unknown hands warm themselves.You might burn , I say to them . They look back and say , you might die.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

........................

kobitar chondo ta melate na mere toke dilam dak ,
ure giye bollo pakhi ta
mitthe tor ei bhajal ...hridoy,
bhanga kache e paa re ..katlam hath ...
dekhlam rokter moddhe koto ta beche thakar moshla aache ! ...

Friday, August 18, 2006

On Our Love


A very pathetic sequel to the astoundingly beautiful poem "On a Moonbeam" by akaash. Hope he is not angry... And I hope I do not dash the hopes which my friend Vivek has heaped on me.


A desert run.

The radiant sun.

And I return again.

To these crowded golden sands.


Crowded with the memories of yore,

When we were together and sadness was no more.


The blue day sky,

Carries trillions of twinkling stars,

Sends me your message

But are blinded by the rays of sun from far.


It reminds me of your promise.


The sun is harsh – it scowls at me,

And it spreads its mellow to wake everyone up to see

The truth which is hidden in thee.


I wait...

Yet again...


“You fool, you have come again?”

Time remonstrates.

“The last time I met you under the purple light,

And the absent moon – you hallucinated...

You thought your dead love had come back – you insane!”


I say,

“She is not dead!

And she asks me to not to shed tears…

She asks me to not to be sad!”


“She will come from there – the stars,

From far far away

And the moonbeam would show her the light

Nonetheless, I daresay.”


“Ha!”

He laughs...

“All those relativity and rule bending are passé

Just figments of your imagination

Never is she gonna come to you

From sufferance and indignation...”


I wait.


And He laughs on.


“Look there! – Here she comes at last!”

Dressed in eternal white

She approaches,

An ethereal sight!


The sun gets dim.

The sand gets cooler.

Water arises from the desert for a thirsty dweller.


It’s your touch that I feel again.

It’s your scent that I inhale again.


He cries, “How can it happen?”

“This must be a dream!”


My heart races,

For that moment it seems

Is being packed away in tiny little cases.


And scattered.


To be assimilated again.


I can’t hear Him anymore,

Whilst she shows me the door.


Fulfilled at last,

Be it moon or sun it doesn’t matter anymore.

We are One again.

There will be no parting this time,

No promises would be forged to reunite again,

For the tears needn’t run anymore,

And no need will be for the Wish Fairies of the Holy Sycamore.


“If only you knew

How to wish…”

I tell Him.

“If only you knew

How to dream…


How to hope,

How to believe…


If only you knew

How to resurrect the grays of Reality,

With pure, innocent faith…”


“It is through my end that I start again

That I meet with my lover

And never depart in the rain.”


“Thou hast killed yourself for Love?”

“Is it really worth dying for?”

Says Time, now on His knees.


The echo of my answer lingers,

“You can’t fix a price on Love, after all...

Ain’t it?”


If only you had a moonbeam for these.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Independence
























Independence
. Surprisingly, the word in itself carries a strange paradox. Independence is a positive concept and a very powerful one. Yet the word is grammatically negative and it has its meaning only by negating ‘dependence’ ! That means it is utterly dependent itself !

Here lies the catch. As a general rule of Nature, dependence is more fundamental than it’s opposite. That explains its prevalence and dominance over the other. We are all born and created to be dependent. We ‘fight’ for freedom. But we depend for our own ease and comfort. No preparation is required if we want to take help from somebody, but analogically to make ourselves self-sufficient and complete (though I believe no-one can be entirely complete in himself) it requires a lot of planning and hard work.

We don’t realize that we’re dependent until and unless something hits bluntly in our face and rudely refuses to comply with our wishes. For example, people go to work to earn a living. But they have personal hobbies and passions too. Who the heck wants to go to work everyday? If given the choice and the proper resources I’d rather roam about the whole world, make friends with different kinds of people… or maybe read books on the windy beaches of a sea-side and spend the nights hearing the sounds of insects and staring at the moon… instead of going to college and reading about stuff that has no connection to our daily lives by any means.

But here also, comes Habit. Habit is a characteristic of all living beings that makes them dependent unknowingly on itself. In fact, habit is the most responsible factor that makes us go in a straight, pre-determined, methodical and ordered line. As it has become our habit to earn for a living and be occupied with something, that after maybe a couple to months of vacation we want to get back to where we were, no matter how monotonous and painful it was. We would forget all about freedom and voluntarily want to be in the cage again!

But again, as all students of physics might know (Second Law of Thermodynamics), to nature Chaos is more fundamental than order.

Hence, as we see, this is one of the greatest examples of how the nature maintains its balance with the help of the opposites. On one hand it wants to be chaotic, but at the same time it remains ordered by becoming dependent on its instincts and also on the surrounding influences. Yin & Yang !

Just as light has no meaning without darkness, just as a woman finds her completeness in the company of a man, just as a vacation finds its meaning after a long period of pre-occupation and hard work; similarly independence is here only because there was dependence once upon a time. The phase of dependence is equally significant. Not only it has helped us to thrive but it has pointed out what could have been better, where the holes in the cloth are, where we actually stand.

I do not see independence just as freedom from a habit or a superior power, but I see it as a realization, a motivation, a cause that brings integrity among the diversified elements. But at the same time I also do not look down upon the earlier phase of dependence. It is the cause that brings the awareness, it is the foundation where the structure stands, it has taught us to dream. It is the other half of nature’s Divine Cycle.

Let us not be ashamed that we were dependent once, but let us be grateful that it gave us enough reasons to not to be.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

On a Moonbeam : By akaash

A lagoon.
The full moon.
And I return again.
To these desolate silver sands…

The purple night sky,
Carrying trillions of twinkling stars,
Sends me your message;
…Reminds me of your promise!

You said you would come again…

The moon smiles at me,
And the violet of the night spreads…
As every night bird is sent to sleep
In their wooden dens!

I wait…



“How come you are not sad?”
Time asks me.
“She is dead! Right?”

“She is right here in my heart”,
I say.
“She is not dead!
And she asks me to not to shed tears…
She asks me to not to be sad!”

“How would she come?”
Time asks again
Pointing to the stars,
“That’s a long distance!”

“The moonlight shows her the way every fortnight”,
I cry.

“She can’t!”
Time is outraged.
“It’s my law!”

“We don’t follow your law”,
I say.
“We know how to stretch the limits…

Reality is relative too,
For those who Believe.

Look! She has come.”



Time stops.
There is a hush.
Nature draws back a few scared steps,
As the laws of Reality are rewritten again
...On these moonlit sands.

In the magical lights and shadows of the moon,
Isn’t that you?
…Dressed in the gorgeous black,
Surging my blood within?
…Your magnanimous appeal
Mocking Time,
Ever as before!

It’s your touch that I feel again.
It’s your scent that I inhale again.

We make love again.
And we are rendered Complete once more…

…As the fey Moon night watches
To keep mortals away,
We become One.

My heart beats slower,
As the thousand pieces of my Soul lie scattered
On the beach sands.
I lie lifeless…

The wind grows…

It’s the fairytale that your eyes had made me see.
Promise me, Dear,
To never to take it away…

For hours,
We sit, we talk and we love.
…It’s the wish of our tryst.

…Our wish,

…That gets fulfilled every Full Moon!

And at dawn,
As the first ray of the mild morning sun
Starts to dissipate the Night’s
Black Mystery,
We part once more…
With the promise to reunite again
Beside these transparent waters,
Whose tears carry the smile of the Moon
Every fortnight.



“It’s your Imagination, honey!”
Time spouts.

“It’s only my Wish that had come true!”
I naively sob…
“The fairies aren’t dead!”


“If only you knew
How to wish…”
I tell Him.
“If only you knew
How to dream…

How to hope,
How to believe…

If only you knew
How to resurrect the grays of Reality,
With pure, innocent faith…”



Echoes the remnants of the Night:
“If only you had a moonbeam…”

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Once Again......

Once again......
The flowers are blossoming
With the drop of dew......
Captured some moments in the frame
Though they are very few...
Suddenly a thought comes to my mind
Again!!!!!
I am thinking about you......

Once Again......
The sun is shining
In my mind...
I remember the day
When I wanted to become
a blind...
Coz I couldn't find myself
in your mind...
Those moments are few
And today again
I am thinking about you......


Once Again......
I am seeing the moon
I am not dreaming
Coz, I can see you
whenever I want to...
you are alwyz in my mind...
I am thinking about you......

Oneday......
My life will come to an end
Life completes itz journey
with pain and sorrow...
But I'll be happy
because
I'll think about you......


(*****may be some of my friend can object on the subject...but i writ whatever i want.....thanx for all of urs concerns...but u can't write forcefully..it just happens....so....******)

Monday, August 07, 2006

a Thought in a night !

In a candle lit night ..
We sat across a river

We looked at each other
In those eyes , a river flowed

As the night went along the way
We went along a different way

It is the cause.

It is the cause, my soul.

Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars.

It is the cause.
The cause is known to you and me

Yet we played different games

The eyes that twinkled
The freckled skin took turns

Do we need to continue ?
Will you answer me ?

The answer is an emphatic NO
Hypnotized by your fiery beauty

I burnt , I burnt in peace
I did not Rest , yet I was at piece.

So long, love ,
The path is shown
It is up to you to see it and cross the river.



The picture is not taken by me.
And quotations courtesy Shakespeare

Saturday, August 05, 2006

SAND AND STONE

Two friends were walking through the desert. In a specific point of the
journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in
the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but...without saying
anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to
take a bath. The one who got slapped and hurt started drowning, and the
other friend saved him. When he recovered from the fright, he wrote on a
stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who saved and slapped his best friend, asked him "Why, after
I hurt you, did you write in the sand, and now you write on a stone?"

The other friend, smiling, replied, "When a friend hurts us, we should
write it down in the sand, where the winds of forgiveness get in charge
of erasing it away, and when something great happens, we should engrave
it in the stone of the memory of the heart, where no wind can erase it."

Learn to write in the sand.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your
Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

PRAYER
Gracious and forgiving God, help us this day to become more like you in
our ability to forgive and forget. Amen.


*** **i was surfing somesite..& suddenly saw this article from some unknown author..liked it....so i modify something...& thought to share with u..hop u all will like it*****

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Vision

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When walking past those places-
where once dwelled :
a dream, a hope
a vision of a new meaning of life,
where once we held
our trembling hands and our hearts...
I do not let my tears go,
instead there comes a fire
which surges within...
it vaporises every drop of tear,
and creates a mocking image
out of the flame,
that laughs at my foolishness
and makes faces to me;
faces... familiar once
but now distorted, corrugated, ugly
or even lost in the fogs of oblivion.


yet something happens
at the back of my head
at the bottom of my heart
which makes everything seem
so dull, so empty, so meaningless
the colors hidden by the black of the canvas
tries to peep out,
to creep into my dreams
and make them nightmares
of disgust, of writhing pain.

and again
at the next moment
the blemished canvas gets burnt
by The Fire
and instead of scorching it,
it erases it...
it makes the way for a new beginning.

but, what is the use of beginning at all?
if it is all destined to end?
why make trouble to build a sand-castle
in the banks of the atlantic ocean
of desires, pain, expectations and ego?

but we have only one thing
that defies logic, defies rationality,
yet, gives strength and urges to move on...
it is Hope.

hope is the only dead-end
of the side-lanes of life,
called Failures.
some people tend to stay
in those suffocating dark and tempting lanes
and lose sight of the main road: Life;
which goes on and on and on...

if there haven't been the high walls of hope,
maybe some people wud've tried to jump over it
but instead making an premature exit from the Journey.

it is hope that makes us get back
to stroll on
and maybe this's the best way
to live life.



i wanted to live
to smell the roses
to cross the barriers
and extend the boundaries...
i did not care for the customs, the conventions;
i wud've crushed everything in my way;
but,
the only thing i needed was
A shoulder--
or maybe a warm hand to grasp
my cold trembling limbs in the blizzard...
or maybe a bosom to rest
my tired, fractured and bleeding body.

instead,
i was betrayed... used,
i was exploited... ravaged;
and helplessly, unnoticingly
left on the side-lane to perish.

i did get up
to face the sunlight again
to stitch my faults and with a new vision :

we are always alone,
the friendships, the relationships
the excitement of an outing with the sweetheart;
a lovely evening with friends,
are all futile, unreal and volatile.
everything is so fragile in the cyclone of time
that its useless to waste your energy, emotions
and yes, money
on these temporary bursts of hormones.

time spares no one,
not even the blemishless one.
all fall prey to the Time's hunger...
no matter how hard you try to be safe--
to carry a clean dress amidst the pouring rain,
all of a sudden a car rushing from the otherside
will spray you with mud and dirt.

dont take life too seriously.
let it flow like a river;
and you can float on it like a dry leaf...
unattached, and yet going with the flow.
who knows what will happen tomorrow,
so live for the present,
live life kingsize,
without any repentance
without any commitment
without the pain in the ass
commonly cliched as 'Love'.