A lonely walk
to nowhere
with no body;
with no fear......
OH ITZ DARK!!!
You came
touched me
your wand
got destroyed!!!
I am a lonely walker......
on this road
on this world......
OH ITZ SO DARK!!!
Feel me
sense me
but don't touch
I am poisonous!!!
AM I GETTING MAD???
I can't breath
the air is green;
am i walking on a dream world?
or is it poison???
AM I DAYDREAMING??? or, ????
An evening
when Phoenix burns...
fire and fire
everywhere...
but don't scare;
look at it
Find a new life...
PERFECT ENDING...IS IT???
(***i was writing it last night..but i myself don't know why did i write this one ...itz pathetic... but still i'm gonna publish it...on SFTH...***)
8 comments:
It felt like Harry Potter revisited with the wand and phoenix...
i am sorry, this may be a long comment. first, on the theme. the thought is a very good one. it deals with the division of human psyche. when one half accepts human errings, the other remains purely virgin, searching for the Eternal Perfect in this imperfect world. i think, this poem tried to depict that quest, which every imperfect human has a right to set out on, ...each in their very own personal, individualistic way.
second, on the treatment. well, it could have been a lot better, if you yourself had enough confidence in what you wrote. i don't think you had. it's very hastily written. a pity, that is. a fantastic theme failed to get to the audience. and third. on you. you are very close to shedding a shell. you have grown too large inside, to let the present envelope of yours to sustain your size. so, shed your shell. do it. fast. else, good themes will continue receiving mediocre treatment. and as a fellow friend, i definitely don't want that to happen.
Baat kyan thi us raat mein ..
Kho gaye the Badalti raat ki raho mein
Agar zindagi kehe deti teri naam
Likh dite kagaz pe ek aur gumnaam arzoo
Wonderfully written !
i feel this lady is waiting for an re-incarnation. she has got above pain and sorrow and is waiting for the right opportunity to express herself... as she said, the writing portrays spontaneity more than any thoughtfully written topic-centred poetry, but thru this spontaneity comes forward a melody. i'd like to read more...
too good!
@ shuvro:
fantastic piece of expression, buddy! ..eta-o ki 'shilajit-er gaan', na ki?
Very sorry - didn't mean to insult anyone!
I am not quite adept in interpreting poetry correctly, forgive me!
NA NA ..!
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